Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Still dying that you shit outside
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
