yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
