i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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