goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
