last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
