did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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