I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
