if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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