i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you win again, gameday.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
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