Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
