the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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