OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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