Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
