this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
