You're a womanizer and a bitch.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
