If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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