i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
