Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
