my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
