so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
