Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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