I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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