Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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