So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
