you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
