i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
