Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
