before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
There r osticjed everywhere
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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