The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
