Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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