she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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