NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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