yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
