Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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