So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
