apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I need water and some morals
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
