the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize