even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
