Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(314): View more from Missouri

I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes

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(973): View more from New Jersey

And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds

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(302): View more from Delaware

then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.

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(509): View more from Washington

In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?

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(970): View more from Colorado

Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.

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(517): View more from Michigan

I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's

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(803): View more from South Carolina

On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror

(251): View more from Alabama

If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that

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