i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize