If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
she peed on how many people?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
