mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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