God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
