I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
