sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
