he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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