the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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