i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
