What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
What drink are we having for lunch?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
