i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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