Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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