seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
