Non-Jews are for practice
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
