You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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