i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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