Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
