her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
There's always time for handjobs
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
