It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
