I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
