what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We got so high we made milksteak
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
