new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I think my moral compass just broke
I have post one night stand depression
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