im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
