I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
