dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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