My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
