Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
