scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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