wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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