i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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