Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize