Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
There's always time for handjobs
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
