At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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