come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
