Only a mothe r could love this liver
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
