It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
