I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
