is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
