Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
