We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
