Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Is Oprah even human
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
