): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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