I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
