I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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