so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
