So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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