I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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