Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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