you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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