Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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