Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
