There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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