He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
