the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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