I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
