You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
