He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
