i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
