Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
