i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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