Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
