Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize