He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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