Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
