Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize