i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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