fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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