the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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