Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
