you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
