Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
