Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Randomize
