I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
