420 ftw
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
