That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
