I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
we're making bets on your personal life
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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