It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize