I need help removing her.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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