We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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