Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
