I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
