Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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